17 Apr Forgiveness Without an Apology
Forgiveness is a process
To forgive means: To grant pardon.
How apologizing is beneficial
An apology is an acknowledgment that their behavior negatively affected another, and that there’s some level of remorse.
Keep these points in mind when someone chooses not to apologize
- Your worth remains – their character is shown
- Your pain is valid – their lack of empathy is demonstrated
Your experiences are valid. The pain from the wrong doing is valid however, you are not defined by the wrongdoings. You hold the power so focusing on your own journey, who you are today, what you have learned about yourself from reflecting and about where you know you want to be and put your energy into YOU!
IMPORTANT: Do NOT give someone who lacks empathy YOUR power.
Ways to Accept the Apology You Never Received
If you forgive it does not mean you have to accept their behavior, entertain the person or even forget their behavior. It also does not mean that the individual must remain an active part of your life. Understand that there is power in letting go and making peace within you to be stronger and wiser.
Below are a few things you should absolutely do in your forgiveness process.
Allow yourself to feel the emotional response of the wrong doing. Living in the funk sucks but it’s the first step to healing. Please don’t bottle up your feelings of hurt, anger, betrayed, etc.
DIGEST & LET GO
Try to understand the other perspective. Yes, your first response to this is “what the what but take a moment to understand each person’s role in the situation. Think about the person that wronged you- their upbringing, how their own history, background plays a role in their decisions. I’m not asking you to excuse it but to try to understand it. So what was their journey and how did that play a role? Now this doesn’t mean to question the person, just reflect with your own understanding. Also, as you reflect take note of you have your own part in this.
3.Remove Your Own Fantasies
Let go of how you envision the outcome, what you believe should happen. The should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. Don’t be so invested in how it ought to be that you aren’t able to accept how it is.
4.Consider Your Health
According to Mayo Clinic holding on to grudges affects your physical health, emotional health, and medical health.
Health Benefits of Forgiving
- Healthier Relationships
- Improved mental health
- Less anxiety, stress, hostility
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- A stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Improved self-esteem
Here’s How You Grow ( There are lessons in EVERYTHING)
- Analyze what you have learned about yourself, your values, standards, beliefs?
- Take time to appreciate your own growth through this experience
- Celebrate your growth
Remember forgiveness is a process- move within the
above steps as needed to help with healing.
Take Care & Be Intentionally Hopeful,
By: Chautè Thompson, LMHC, CDWF
I am Chautè Thompson, licensed psychotherapist and Your Restoration Expert. I help women who have experienced significant breakups to Reset, Rediscover, Redefine and Renew themselves after a breakup and throughout their lifelong journey. If you are looking for support in healing after divorce or significant breakups you can join my newsletter list for free biweekly resources and support.
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